Mother Nature, along with Boreas Rex and Jack Frost, decided to lavish my lovely Minnesota with 1/2 inch of clear ice, freezing rain, and 28 degrees late last night and into this morning. And then after all their labor...I believe they sat back to watch us mere mortals cope with the gift!
I listened in the dark to the rare car slowly creeping through the intersection outside my snug little house. Big or little, no one was going anywhere fast! One small bug tried to start from the stop sign and just spun in a circle...like a dog chasing its tail. A couple of vehicles thought my sidewalk was a good alternative to the street...a decision made after the fact! But, surprisingly not a single fender-bender to be heard. (At least in my corner of the world. TV showed a far different outcome in other areas of town.)
Morning came...very quiet...I couldn't see any traffic from my windows. It being Sunday...I don't have to be anywhere early...and having a dog with pleading eyes...I did the only thing a Jeep owner could. I decided to go to the park and walk my boy. Yup...officially crazy...I just didn't know it yet.
My first step, if you could call it that, was a wild ride. The leading boot tentatively touched the top step and felt secure, so I stepped out. I remember clutching the screen door and being suddenly 3 steps lower than where I started. Whoa. My dog, with his built in traction control, fared no better. I grabbed whatever I could when I saw him skid past me...trying to 1. slow him down, 2. keep him upright, and 3. prevent him from crashing into my big planter. Sorry about your tail, Watson.
I did the "Minnesota Shuffle"down the sidewalk...never lifting my feet...just pushing one forward, anchoring it, and scarily moving the other foot. All the while, constantly checking my inner balance. "Full Alert!" "Danger! Danger!"
The Jeep was covered in a complete sheet...that should have been my second sign of bad idea! But being a native-born Minnesotan...I carefully slid in and defrosted, well 10 minutes later, the windows. Pulling out of my level driveway, I planned on turning left. Planned. The roadway and the Jeep decided the opposing snowbank was the true destination. Sigh...did I mention that I am stubborn? By gad, I wanted to go to the park...and was going to do just that.
Going straight wasn't bad...until I hit the top of the steep hill past the middle school. Wheeeeeee...I think I felt what it was like to be a bob sledder! A novice bob sledder in the middle of a big PANIC! Thankfully, no traffic coming towards me...since the Jeep seemingly couldn't decide which side of the street was better.
By crawling at a sedate 10 miles per hour...we made the park...my fingers in a death grip on the wheel...and Watson's eyes the size of the proverbial saucers.
I parked by the trees, thinking the ice wouldn't be quite as bad as in the open areas. Sounded feasible. Actually was true for 15 to 20 steps. But only....
The play by play was ugly:
"This aging competitor bravely steps out...a clean start...her confidence grows. Oh no! Can't believe what we just saw! Thompson threw in a crossover that isn't in her program...her leading foot lifted...she propelled herself forward grabbing a sapling...kicking her back foot out too late...Ouch. That was a landing she'll not forget for a long time...and the sapling needs a moment of silent remembrance!"
Personally, I was thinking it must have looked like a bizarre DWTS dance step...a devilish dervish with an extended arm position followed by a partner-less dip! Well not quite, the sapling did give partnership its all.
Thank God...I don't think there were any witnesses!!
However, I laid there for several breaths...until Watson's nose hovered over my face...anxiously "huffing" to check me out. Yah...I saved his butt earlier...he didn't return the favor...thanks, Pupper.
The lessons offered by the school of hard knocks finally sink in...I was going home to hunker down and wait the weather out...but first, I had to get back to the Jeep. The knees of my jeans will never be the same...but I have a new appreciation what the snow covered ground looks like from the height of a crawling middle aged woman.
I didn't even stop for coffee ...can't tempt Mother Nature and her minions too many times. But I'll bet they had a good howler over my antics...probably even had a twinge of sympathy for me...but I'd place no bets.
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