It is rather ironic that I talk about random streams of conciousness....since according to the sleep specialists I am nearer to dead than conscious when I am sleeping.
I was motivated by my Dr. to attend a sleep clinic last night....I thought sure, "why not?" I have always slept soundly...and can "pop" off to sleep just about anywhere....much to the dismay of my traveling companions. (well, part of their justified dismay was also do the fact that when I "pop", I snore!) So, I blithely drove up to the clinic last night...fully expecting to amaze them with my "ability" to sleep.
Well...it takes 1.5 HOURS to "wire" (meaning GLUE to!) my body: hair, face, neck, heart, and legs. All of which includes 3 straps around your torso, a pulse reader on your index finger, and 2 little fixtures in my nose. Added up, that pretty much guarantees that I will not sleep...worrying about: 1. pulling out any of the little wires, 2. strangling myself, 3. the nose thingys that shift and prod as you try to get comfortable on the "pillow rocks" that are supplied, and 4. the full awareness that not only I am I being video'd....there is a person watching me all night!!! And she can hear me...how embarrassing. Just glad I didn't eat beans for supper.. :)
After flopping around the bed for about 3 hours....the tech came in and said "We have decided to put an CPAP mask on you to help you sleep." Okay....one more thing strapped to my body...but she took out the 2 little nose thingys! Wheee.
Fortunately, she had fitted me for the mask before I went to sleep....so it was just a matter of tightening it on. Yup. I am now cinched up like a B rated movie's Freddy Krueger!
The machine is rather hypnotic...think "snake", "basket", "flute", and gentle whispers of "You are growing sleepy. Very sleepy." The next thing I knew, it was morning and I had survived!
I thought I had "done" (it is not a test in that sense of the word, girl!) well. I prepared to tell the therapist that I only slept poorly because of the wires, glues, straps, nose thingys, rock pillows, etc.. In my cocoon at home...I am a first class sleeper!
The first words out of her mouth stopped me. "You stop breathing, on average, 71 times a hour." No exclamation points, no drama. Just precise, matter of fact words slapped on the table. "Stop breathing" as in one step closer to the angels. "Stop breathing" as in white light/long tunnel. "Stop breathing" as in gone from this world. Wow....not much argument left there.
She walked me through the read-out..I saw where my throat collapsed, my heart rate plummeted, my oxygen dropped below 75% saturation, and where my lungs and heart spasmed from the frantic brain messages "Breathe! Breathe!" I could not imagine my heart and brain going through this once, much less 71 times an hour. Gulp.
The read-out also showed the severity of my unconscious distress when the tech decided to wake me up and "mask" me. I immediately fell into Stage 3 sleep and then into a long period of REM. Which is the most restful and rejunvenating sleep...the kind I evidently never achieve. Hmmm...perhaps I have been missing out on all that beauty sleep! Could explain much :)
So, I am now "masked." Hence my CPAP headgear has been dubbed "Zorro." A life saver that does its heroics under the cover of darkness.
There just remains 2 thoughts: "How am I going to get my poor timid dog used to the machine," (since he runs from the electric toothbrush)....and "Well, one more nail in the relationship coffin."
Go figure...there is humor in it somewhere.
No comments:
Post a Comment