Long Johns are just not what I remember.
Well, to clarify, neither type of “Long Johns” that I recall (one with fondness, one not.) vaguely resemble my cherished memories. One disappoints, one happily exceeds. (Think heavy itchy wet wool...vs. today's light weight miracle fabrics.)
My memories of “Long Johns” always centers around the bakery shop (not shoppe!) on Main Street in Appleton, MN. If my grandmother was too busy with her gardening, chickens, Sunday School lessons, harvest/ planting, washing, ironing, mending, canning, rendering, butchering, or she had a houseful of family…she would go to the bakery (after grocery shopping) to pick up some “sweets” for the table. She made breakfast, mid morning coffee, lunch, mid afternoon coffee, and supper every day of her life. The only differences came in the amount of food she prepared, which depended on 2 things: the number of people she was feeding and the weather. Cold weather, more food. Warm weather, less food. No one went away hungry…or ill prepared to return to the fields.
So, on these occasions, we were allowed to visit the BAKERY and help (?) select. And if we were very good and helpful, we could choose our very own goodie to have later!
A huge, sparkling glass window beckoned us…like a hypnotic eye…to peer in and see the gleaming glass cases filled with baked goods. There was a wide, old fashioned screen door you pulled to open…and as a child I never remembered in my excitement...to “catch” the door so it did not slam. And when you left, the screen door had a fancy metal and enamel embossed “Thank You” plate where you pushed. All the cases inside were clear glass…several with fingerprints made while “pointing” out the exact sweet selected.
The fancy items, wedding and birthday cakes, were closest to the window, like beautiful sirens, tempting one to enter. Then multitudes of cookies and bars, marching like soldiers in perfect formation on the flat trays, followed by doughnuts (not donuts), other fried goods and sweet rolls. Crullers, cake (plain or glazed), raised (we called them Polish and they were always glazed), chocolate with frosting and sprinkles, spiced with cinnamon/sugar dusting, bismarks with assorted fillings of cream, custard, jam or jelly, fried cinnamon rolls and frosted Long Johns were present on a daily basis. (Sometimes the baker got creative and made PUMPKIN doughnuts with coconut frosting.)
Breads and rolls were across the far end; the bread orderly on the wall with signs as to their genre. Rolls were in the low case: parker house, split tops, clover-leafs, horns, hamburger and current. Seasonal specialties were reserved for the front window: stolen, lebkucken, peppernuts, divinity, spritz, date bread, sour cream sugar cookies, Russian Tea cakes, etc. A show piece wedding cake took majestic center stage…drawing admiration for the lifelike quality of the flowers cascading down…and the height it achieved.
Long Johns then: magical, guaranteed to make your mouth water and the car ride home endless. A golden brown outside protected the yeasty sweetness inside. Real maple frosting…still glossy from being swirled on by the baker’s knife covered the top. And freshly chopped, crunchy peanuts packed the top…melding into the frosting’s sweetness…delivering a sweet and salty morsel in each bite.
The pastry Long John of 2010 is a tasteless rectangle of oily cardboard with beige frosting (it tastes BEIGE too!), and crumbles of peanuts resembling floor sweepings. Not the tender pastry that I lusted for as a child. Today’s version of a maple frosted Long John with peanuts is greasy, doughy and under done. A commercial frosting overloaded with “maple” flavoring tastes as if made in a chemical lab. And the peanut topping?...usually not crisp…at worst, rancid. Even if the bakery is a “good” one.
So, in this case, you can’t go home again. But a girl can dream…..
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